Why Change and Is It Possible, Part 3

To achieve what every it is that we want or need, we must learn to engage in a certain level of commitment and perform a certain level of action. If you think about it every since we enter the world our lives are constantly impacted by various actions performed by the people around us or in our immediate sphere of survival. Part of the motivation for many of the people in our lives is to teach us how to take, hopefully, positive action on our own as we get older. Actions and steps that will hopefully lead us to a more positive and social life.
From learning to brush our teeth to tying our shoes, learning to recite our ABC’s to riding a bicycle a good deal of our life is devoted to learning to not only take actions but also observing the consequences of taking, or in many cases, not taking action. As children we accept the principle that actions have effects not only on our lives but in affecting the lives of others around us. It is interesting that as we get older we begin to loose our ability to focus and see that we can take actions and responsibilities ourselves. It’s funny if you think about it as we get older we seemingly forget that our actions can change things for both good and evil. We enter a sort of mindless drifting state where we barely survive day to day. And in the back of our mind we accept the principle that there is not a whole lot that we can do about it.
Since we know that actions can bring about changes the question then becomes how can we become more action oriented? Or to put it another way how can we start committing to taking actions that will lead to our having better lives? What is the big secret? Why does it seem like some people are so energized that they seem to figure out what it is that they want and then go after it with a vengeance? What is the “secret?”
Well in terms of my reading and research it’s not really a question of a big secret. If most people could really look back on their childhood with clear vision and memory they would see that a great deal of what they learned they learned through sheer repetition. Think about brushing you teeth, tying your shoes learning to printing the letters to the alphabet you had instructors, usually adults, to tell you why these tasks had to be done and to demonstrate to you how to do them. Then you were assisted in trying to preform the tasks yourself. Through trial and error and constant repetition you kept at it until, one day, you master whatever the task was.
Now in terms of being an adult we don’t have as many people training us in how to do most things as the general belief is that we should be pretty much up on everything we need to know by now. Yet we still have a great deal of difficulties substituting good habits for bad habits. Or perhaps a better way to phrase it is that we till haven’t mastered the key to figuring out what we need to do, what actions or steps we need to take, to acquire whatever it is that we want to get or accomplish. Some of the lessons of youth seems to have evaded our memory. Let’s take an example of taking some action, or at least some different action, to deal with a problem or situation that could lead to really bigger difficulties down the road.
Let’s say this year we, once again, forgot our spouses, partner, sibling, children’s birthday, anniversary etc. Let’s say we miss this important date pretty regularly. In fact its such a regular occurrence that the offended party won't even regard it as much of a problem any longer as we are regarded as not thinking the date is really very important in the scheme. You feel sufficiently bad that you swear up and down that next year you will remember and that you will never forget these dates again for as long as you live. Of course you’re setting your self up for a big embarrassing fall if you forget the date once again next year. What can you do to correct this over sight.
Now what I would suggest is that whatever you do to attempt to remember this date you don’t do what you usually do. Your standard operating procedure is not going to cut it in this particular instance. It is time to try something new. Say you have a calendar that you tentatively use for appointments. If you don’t have one let me suggest that you consider getting one. After all there are 365 days in the year and it would be a mighty person indeed who could remember all the appointments of each and everyday.
Now turn to entry for the upcoming date. Of course write in the section that today is the birthday, anniversary whatever the occasion maybe. Assuming that this appointment is several months away turn to approximately 30 days before the date and write in that space that the date is 30 days from today and jot a little note to the effect of, have I decided what I’m going to do for the person to celebrate the occasion. Now, assuming once again that you have started this far enough in advance turn to a week before that current reminder and write down a reminder that next week, on such and such date, you will have only 30 days left till the important date that you vowed not to forget. Then five weeks before that date place another reminder for this particular reminder. The goal is to put in reminders for yourself at different somewhat odd intervals so it will not become a relatively predictable routine or reminder. Sometimes 30 days to the next reminder then two weeks to another reminder to maybe two reminders in one week. It is important to write the reminders in the calendar as an appointment to yourself. Keep backtracking this way until you have caught up with yourself to today.
Now for this to work you have to get into the habit of checking your appointment calendar on a daily bases. If you don’t do this already well now is a find time to start. If you’re the only person to actually look in your appointment calendar then you could also drop any little ideas as to how you want to celebrate this event or what type of gifts you are thinking about buying. If you can’t put your ideas in the calendar itself jot down some of your thoughts on paper. Another rule, idea, suggestion the more you write things down the more ideas you will come up with and the more creative you will become. So more brainstorming on paper please.